10 Signs You're in a Toxic Friendship

My Featured Article: http://theteentrends.com/10-signs-toxic-friendship/

It goes without saying that you are the company you keep. If this is in fact true, then shouldn’t all the company you keep be good company? Often time and especially in our teenage years, it doesn’t quite happen this way. 

Toxic friendships; friendships that cause more harm than good are all too common amongst teenage social circles. In an effort to avoid disappointment or regret, here are 10 signs you’re in a toxic friendship.

1. Is your friend mean or hurtful to you? If you answered yes, then chances are that person isn’t your friend. Someone who cares about you AND respects you would never intentionally do/say things that are mean and hurtful to you.

2. Is your friend abusive (emotionally or physically) to you? Anyone who abuses another person is a bully. And bullying, no matter the relationship is never okay. Think about it, why would you allow someone to treat you that way? Why would you even consider that person a friend?

3. Is your friend untruthful to you? If they’re constantly telling you lies then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship. Honesty is one of the most important qualities a friend should have. If you feel you cannot trust your friend, or you feel as if you’re the one who’s not trustworthy because all they do is tell you lies, I’d suggest calling it quits.

4. Does your friend take advantage of/use you? Offering a ‘friendship’ so the other person can get something in return is downright wrong. This happens when one friend possesses something the other friend wants, but isn’t willing to work for it themselves. A perfect example might be, “If you help me cheat on the test, I’ll bring you to the party on Saturday.”

5. Does your friend make you feel like everything between you two is a competition? If you’re friend is constantly trying to one-up you, most likely they feel that they’re either better than you or need to be. It might even be jealousy. Say you got a good grade on a paper you wrote-if your friend’s grade was better than yours, they might purposely brag about it to you and everyone else. Competing with a friend proves that they don’t view you as equals, and a friendship should be nothing but that.

6. Is your friend a hypocrite? Saying one thing and doing another is a form of lying…which we already covered in sign #3

7. Is your friend supportive? Will they be there when you need them? Being a friend means being a support system to someone else. In a time of need, can you truly count on your friend to be there for you? If you can’t answer that question or you can and the answer is no…again, why are they still your friend? A true friend will be there without you having to ask.

8. Do you feel ignored or neglected in the friendship? If the other person starts to ignore/neglect you or plans that the two of you made together, it’s a sure sign that the friendship isn’t as important to them. Value should be placed on the time that people spend together, so if a friend begins to spend less time with you it should be an indicator that they don’t value you the way they should.

9. Have you found yourself the subject of gossip spread by your so-called friend? Being talked about behind your back is bad enough, being talked about behind your back by someone you thought you could trust is even worse. Gossip and rumors are synonymous with teenage years, but if you’re able to avoid the drama by nixing that friendship, then I applaud you.

10. Is your friendship one-sided? Meaning, you’re the only one who’s being/been a friend to the other. If you answered yes to that or any of the other questions, then all bets are off. Any successful relationship requires two people. If the other person in question can’t see that, then they obviously weren’t worthy of your friendship to begin with.

For a friendship to work, it should be based on loyalty, respect, trustworthiness and support. Think of those aspects as pieces to a puzzle- if you’re missing one, then it’s incomplete. Now apply that to your friendship. Realizing your worth is one of the first things you can do to avoid a toxic friendship.

Preparing For College Your Freshmen Year

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Now is the time for upcoming freshmen, attending college away from home, to start preparing. Most schools begin their academic years from late August into September, which means… you’ve got a month and a half at minimum to ready yourselves. 

Going to college, living away from home, and essentially closing the chapter on the life you’ve known for the past 18 years is a BIG adjustment for anyone. While it may seem scary to venture into the unknown, let me assure you from my own experience, that embarking on this journey will be nothing short of rewarding.

While I cannot coach another person through their own transition (albeit mounted with anticipation), I can however, offer a few pointers on how to make that transition a little easier.

If you’re a freshmen planning to room at the dorms, a list of suggested items should be included in your school’s housing information packet. For things you still might be unsure of, I’ve created a list below.

Things to bring:

• Bed linens: Preferably twin size, although the actual size should be given beforehand.

• Desk or bed lamp: These come in handy for late night study sessions- while at the same time, a precautionary measure to not keeping your roommate awake.

• Electronics: A laptop, iPad, or anything else that allows fast and easy access for studying, writing, and research purposes. *Having a printer would be useful as well. 

• Key or combination lock: Most dormitories provide a nightstand/drawer that you can lock belongings/valuables away in. *Make sure to keep the key safe with you at all times or by not sharing the combination with others.

• Shower caddy: Since you’ll be sharing a bathroom with at least another person, if not multiple people- you’ll need something to tote your bath essentials in. On that same token- shower shoes are also a good investment.

• Alarm clock: For no other reason than to get you out of bed and to class on time.

• Landline telephone: Some dorms provide telephones in each room, while some only come with phone jacks- in which case you’d have to provide a phone yourself (which is optional). If you do find it necessary to have a phone, bringing a cordless one would be ideal. Think, privacy.

• Personal items: Aside from your necessities, things from/that remind you of home are also nice to bring. (Ex: pictures, photo albums, your favorite blanket, etc.) Having those reminders can help to ease a homesick heart.

Remember that college is a whole new chapter that awaits you. Embrace it. Enjoy it. Love it. And most of all, Good Luck!

First Date Do's & Don'ts

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First dates are always nerve racking!!! Whether or not you know the person you’re seeing, it doesn’t make a difference. Initial meetings have the ability to make anyone feel a bit anxious when it comes to matters such as dating and relationships. The 3 things we secretly hope for on a first date are:  to be liked, to not embarrass ourselves, and lastly- to get the coveted second date. By following these Do’s & Don’ts on a first date, you can bet that you’ll be seeing them again!

DO'S

1. Be yourself.

2. Be on time. 

3. If you’re going on a blind date, meaning you haven’t met the person yet, agree to meet them someplace public. Do not give them your address…just yet. Safety first!

4. Be courteous and polite.

5. Hold back from giving your honest opinion on everything. You never know how your date will react to your candidness.

6. Offer to pay for your portion of the date. Do not expect that your date will pay unless they’ve specifically said they would…always 

be prepared to offer.

7. In case you have to contact someone during the date, make sure your cell phone is with you and charged. Carry change for a payphone if need be.

8. Have an exit plan if the date is making you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. For example, “I need to get home” or “I have an early day tomorrow”. In short, a polite way to excuse yourself.

9. Carry gum or mints with you. There’s nothing worse than bad breath on a date, especially your first.

10. If you enjoyed yourself and hope to see the person again, let them know your interest in a second date. You could try saying, “I had a great time”, or “I hope we do this again”.

DON'TS

1. Never be late- unless you have a legitimate reason to be. Inform your date if you know you will be running behind schedule.

2. Do not be impolite to your date or anyone you come across while out. Keep in mind that you don’t have a second chance to 

make a first impression.

3. Honesty is an admirable quality, but being blatantly honest could backfire on you- as well as ensure that there’ll never be a second date.

4. Don’t forget your wallet; never assume that your date will foot the bill. Today, the common and polite gesture is known as, “going Dutch”. Which means both persons pay for themselves.

5. Don’t forget your cell phone. If the two of you are meeting someplace, you have to be able to reach each other.

6. If you’re of legal age to drink- do NOT get drunk. Having a drink at dinner is acceptable, but getting drunk to the point where you cannot drive is shameful.

7. Don’t kiss on the first date (at least not on the lips). I like to think I’m traditional, so a hug or even a kiss on the cheek is appropriate.

8. If you didn’t have as great of a time as you hoped, and you don’t foresee a second date- don’t say, “I’ll call you”- if you have no intention of doing so. A simple “thank you for tonight” will suffice.

Hopefully you made it out of the date unscathed and have already made plans to see them again. If you followed the suggestions, then all the better. Congrats!

How To Get Over a Break Up

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If you've ever experienced a breakup, you know how tough it can be to get through the days and weeks that follow. You might experience emotions that range from sadness, to anger, confusion or even regret…but eventually, you'll get to a state of peace and understanding about the split. At times you might think that you'll never get there, but rest assured, I'm here to let you know that you most certainly will. Continue reading to discover 7 tips that will help you fight the breakup blues. 

1. Exercise! "Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states." -Carol Welch, Health Coach. Not only can physical activity make you feel better about your general health, it can make you feel better about your mental health too. Which, after a breakup is extremely important.

2. Surrounding yourself with people you enjoy being with and that enjoy being with you is medicine in itself; even if the breakup is not discussed. Altering your state of mind is sometimes all you need to get to a happier, healthier place. 

3. Reconnect with yourself. Partaking in activities that interest you are a great way to do this. These activities allow you to focus on the most important person in the situation; you. Doing things you like doing will give you control over a situation. Rather than a situation (the breakup) having control over you. For example, emotions, moods, tempers, etc. 

4. Music has the tendency to put people in a better mood, especially if it's music you like. Often time people can relate to the words in a song. Repetition of a positive message can produce positive energy. Did you know that calming music reduces depression?

5. Doing something outside of your normal routine can be helpful as well. Think about it, you might meet and make friends with people you might have not otherwise. Who knows who you could meet at Zumba class? Moving forward in a new direction almost always heralds positive results.

6. Writing about your day and your feelings can be quite beneficial too. It allows you the opportunity to get out everything that you're feeling at the time. Whether you're sad, angry, happy or confused. Maybe you don't feel like talking about the breakup and your feelings at this exact moment, but if you're able to jot some of those feelings down, at least you've communicated them- even if it is to yourself.

7. Communicating with someone you trust about the subject can also help you over this hurdle. The important thing when talking about deeply personal experiences, is that you only share that information with someone you know you're safe with. Family and friends that you are close to should want nothing more than for you to be happy. By gaining their perspective on the breakup, it might help you to push through your blues…a route, you may have not known how to get to before. 

If you find yourself feeling down about an ended relationship, know that it's normal. Also remember that your well being is the most important thing that should come next. It may not seem like it now, but by following these suggested tips, your blues will fade away in no time.  

Keep healthy and happy always!

10 Flirting Tips

My article: http://theteentrends.com/10-flirting-tips/

Ever find yourself at a loss for words around your crush? Well- whether you're new to flirting or a seasoned vet, these 10 tips are sure to help you break the ice. 

Make Eye Contact

Every relationship involves and requires eye contact. However, when it comes to flirting and being successful at it- eye contact is of the utmost importance! If you want to grab your crush's attention- look them in the eyes. Doing so not only conveys your interest, but your confidence as well. 

Have a Good Opening Line

The next time a flirtatious moment presents itself, go for it with this tip. Try using their name and asking how their day is going. Speaking directly to a person lets them know that they have your attention, and hopefully that will segue into a more in depth conversation with your crush. 

Strike up a conversation

What you say next should be a general comment or question about the situation you're both currently in. If you have a class together, come up with a question regarding an assignment or the class. For example, "Have you picked a topic for your presentation yet? I'm doing ___ ".

Compliment The Person

Pick one thing you like about their appearance such as their hair, their smile or an article of clothing. Let them know in a friendly way how much you like it. It'll make them feel good and more likely to open up to you. (*If you can't think of anything to say for tip #2, a compliment will do). 

Smile

A little smile goes a long way. A happy face is more inviting than a frowning one; which is the message you want to send while flirting anyway, right? Look like you actually enjoy talking to and/or being around them. Be sure to throw them a smile whenever appropriate. If they shoot one back, you'll know that they like talking to and/or being around you too.

Flirt With Your Body

This doesn't mean throw yourself at the person. Body language can be as important if not more important than what you say. Make sure to use good posture, point your body toward the person and try to find excuses to touch them. I.e., a subtle brush of the arm or a lingering touch on the shoulder.

Keep It Light

Chances are you'll get a better response if you chat about fun, happy stuff (like your new puppy) rather than serious or sad stuff (like when your puppy got hit by a train). The point of flirting isn't to bare your soul or share your honest opinions about everything. Instead it's to open the door to lots more conversations down the road. 

Beware of Awkward Silences

Once the conversation drags, it's probably gone for good. Fill an awkward silence by asking the other person a question. Can't think of one? Ask about something specific to them or something regarding your surroundings (like a painting on the wall or the music that's playing). Try to keep them engaged and talking. If they're not responsive, that's usually a good indicator to wrap things up. 

Wrap It Up

If you're not interested in talking anymore, politely find an excuse to part ways. If you are interested, give them a way to get in touch with you- like your phone number or Facebook name. This is hopefully just the first conversation of many, so save some of that charm for the next time.

Practice, Practice, Practice

Let's face it, no one's perfect at flirting the first time around. If the idea of flirting still gives you butterflies, don't worry- it just means that you need more practice. The more you flirt, the easier it'll get.

Remember, flirting is just a fun way to see how well you vibe with a person. It doesn't seal your fate with someone as a full-fledged couple, nor does it deem you a romantic and social outcast. Take your time and have fun with it. If all else fails, refer to the tips above. Who knows what will come of your next flirtatious encounter?