10 Signs You're in a Toxic Friendship

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It goes without saying that you are the company you keep. If this is in fact true, then shouldn’t all the company you keep be good company? Often time and especially in our teenage years, it doesn’t quite happen this way. 

Toxic friendships; friendships that cause more harm than good are all too common amongst teenage social circles. In an effort to avoid disappointment or regret, here are 10 signs you’re in a toxic friendship.

1. Is your friend mean or hurtful to you? If you answered yes, then chances are that person isn’t your friend. Someone who cares about you AND respects you would never intentionally do/say things that are mean and hurtful to you.

2. Is your friend abusive (emotionally or physically) to you? Anyone who abuses another person is a bully. And bullying, no matter the relationship is never okay. Think about it, why would you allow someone to treat you that way? Why would you even consider that person a friend?

3. Is your friend untruthful to you? If they’re constantly telling you lies then it’s time to reevaluate the friendship. Honesty is one of the most important qualities a friend should have. If you feel you cannot trust your friend, or you feel as if you’re the one who’s not trustworthy because all they do is tell you lies, I’d suggest calling it quits.

4. Does your friend take advantage of/use you? Offering a ‘friendship’ so the other person can get something in return is downright wrong. This happens when one friend possesses something the other friend wants, but isn’t willing to work for it themselves. A perfect example might be, “If you help me cheat on the test, I’ll bring you to the party on Saturday.”

5. Does your friend make you feel like everything between you two is a competition? If you’re friend is constantly trying to one-up you, most likely they feel that they’re either better than you or need to be. It might even be jealousy. Say you got a good grade on a paper you wrote-if your friend’s grade was better than yours, they might purposely brag about it to you and everyone else. Competing with a friend proves that they don’t view you as equals, and a friendship should be nothing but that.

6. Is your friend a hypocrite? Saying one thing and doing another is a form of lying…which we already covered in sign #3

7. Is your friend supportive? Will they be there when you need them? Being a friend means being a support system to someone else. In a time of need, can you truly count on your friend to be there for you? If you can’t answer that question or you can and the answer is no…again, why are they still your friend? A true friend will be there without you having to ask.

8. Do you feel ignored or neglected in the friendship? If the other person starts to ignore/neglect you or plans that the two of you made together, it’s a sure sign that the friendship isn’t as important to them. Value should be placed on the time that people spend together, so if a friend begins to spend less time with you it should be an indicator that they don’t value you the way they should.

9. Have you found yourself the subject of gossip spread by your so-called friend? Being talked about behind your back is bad enough, being talked about behind your back by someone you thought you could trust is even worse. Gossip and rumors are synonymous with teenage years, but if you’re able to avoid the drama by nixing that friendship, then I applaud you.

10. Is your friendship one-sided? Meaning, you’re the only one who’s being/been a friend to the other. If you answered yes to that or any of the other questions, then all bets are off. Any successful relationship requires two people. If the other person in question can’t see that, then they obviously weren’t worthy of your friendship to begin with.

For a friendship to work, it should be based on loyalty, respect, trustworthiness and support. Think of those aspects as pieces to a puzzle- if you’re missing one, then it’s incomplete. Now apply that to your friendship. Realizing your worth is one of the first things you can do to avoid a toxic friendship.

How To Get Over a Break Up

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If you've ever experienced a breakup, you know how tough it can be to get through the days and weeks that follow. You might experience emotions that range from sadness, to anger, confusion or even regret…but eventually, you'll get to a state of peace and understanding about the split. At times you might think that you'll never get there, but rest assured, I'm here to let you know that you most certainly will. Continue reading to discover 7 tips that will help you fight the breakup blues. 

1. Exercise! "Movement is a medicine for creating change in a person's physical, emotional, and mental states." -Carol Welch, Health Coach. Not only can physical activity make you feel better about your general health, it can make you feel better about your mental health too. Which, after a breakup is extremely important.

2. Surrounding yourself with people you enjoy being with and that enjoy being with you is medicine in itself; even if the breakup is not discussed. Altering your state of mind is sometimes all you need to get to a happier, healthier place. 

3. Reconnect with yourself. Partaking in activities that interest you are a great way to do this. These activities allow you to focus on the most important person in the situation; you. Doing things you like doing will give you control over a situation. Rather than a situation (the breakup) having control over you. For example, emotions, moods, tempers, etc. 

4. Music has the tendency to put people in a better mood, especially if it's music you like. Often time people can relate to the words in a song. Repetition of a positive message can produce positive energy. Did you know that calming music reduces depression?

5. Doing something outside of your normal routine can be helpful as well. Think about it, you might meet and make friends with people you might have not otherwise. Who knows who you could meet at Zumba class? Moving forward in a new direction almost always heralds positive results.

6. Writing about your day and your feelings can be quite beneficial too. It allows you the opportunity to get out everything that you're feeling at the time. Whether you're sad, angry, happy or confused. Maybe you don't feel like talking about the breakup and your feelings at this exact moment, but if you're able to jot some of those feelings down, at least you've communicated them- even if it is to yourself.

7. Communicating with someone you trust about the subject can also help you over this hurdle. The important thing when talking about deeply personal experiences, is that you only share that information with someone you know you're safe with. Family and friends that you are close to should want nothing more than for you to be happy. By gaining their perspective on the breakup, it might help you to push through your blues…a route, you may have not known how to get to before. 

If you find yourself feeling down about an ended relationship, know that it's normal. Also remember that your well being is the most important thing that should come next. It may not seem like it now, but by following these suggested tips, your blues will fade away in no time.  

Keep healthy and happy always!