It goes without saying that you are the
company you keep. If this is in fact true, then shouldn’t all the company you
keep be good company? Often time and especially in our teenage years, it
doesn’t quite happen this way.
Toxic friendships; friendships that
cause more harm than good are all too common amongst teenage social circles. In
an effort to avoid disappointment or regret, here are 10 signs you’re in a
toxic friendship.
1. Is your friend mean or hurtful to
you? If you answered yes, then chances are that person isn’t your friend.
Someone who cares about you AND respects you would never intentionally do/say
things that are mean and hurtful to you.
2. Is your
friend abusive (emotionally or physically) to you? Anyone who abuses another
person is a bully. And bullying, no matter the relationship is never okay.
Think about it, why would you allow someone to treat you that way? Why would
you even consider that person a friend?
3. Is your
friend untruthful to you? If they’re constantly telling you lies then it’s time
to reevaluate the friendship. Honesty is one of the most important qualities a
friend should have. If you feel you cannot trust your friend, or you feel as if
you’re the one who’s not trustworthy because all they do is tell you lies, I’d
suggest calling it quits.
4. Does your
friend take advantage of/use you? Offering a ‘friendship’ so the other person
can get something in return is downright wrong. This happens when one friend
possesses something the other friend wants, but isn’t willing to work for it
themselves. A perfect example might be, “If you help me cheat on the test, I’ll
bring you to the party on Saturday.”
5. Does your
friend make you feel like everything between you two is a competition? If
you’re friend is constantly trying to one-up you, most likely they feel that
they’re either better than you or need to be. It might even be jealousy. Say
you got a good grade on a paper you wrote-if your friend’s grade was better
than yours, they might purposely brag about it to you and everyone else.
Competing with a friend proves that they don’t view you as equals, and a
friendship should be nothing but that.
6. Is your
friend a hypocrite? Saying one thing and doing another is a form of lying…which
we already covered in sign #3
7. Is your
friend supportive? Will they be there when you need them? Being a friend means
being a support system to someone else. In a time of need, can you truly count
on your friend to be there for you? If you can’t answer that question or you
can and the answer is no…again, why are they still your friend? A true friend
will be there without you having to ask.
8. Do you feel
ignored or neglected in the friendship? If the other person starts to ignore/neglect
you or plans that the two of you made together, it’s a sure sign that the
friendship isn’t as important to them. Value should be placed on the time that
people spend together, so if a friend begins to spend less time with you it
should be an indicator that they don’t value you the way they should.
9. Have you
found yourself the subject of gossip spread by your so-called friend? Being
talked about behind your back is bad enough, being talked about behind your
back by someone you thought you could trust is even worse. Gossip and rumors
are synonymous with teenage years, but if you’re able to avoid the drama by
nixing that friendship, then I applaud you.
10. Is your friendship
one-sided? Meaning, you’re the only one who’s being/been a friend to the other.
If you answered yes to that or any of the other questions, then all bets are
off. Any successful relationship requires two people. If the other person in
question can’t see that, then they obviously weren’t worthy of your friendship
to begin with.
For a friendship
to work, it should be based on loyalty, respect, trustworthiness and support. Think
of those aspects as pieces to a puzzle- if you’re missing one, then it’s
incomplete. Now apply that to your friendship. Realizing your worth is one of
the first things you can do to avoid a toxic friendship.